


Feeding Time.

by SuperFlandreBros



Series: B.P.: Before Pacifism [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Contemplation, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Torture, Pacifist Route, Rated T for swearing, Regret, Sadness, Sassyness had been had, True Lab, True Pacifist, True Pacifist Route, True Pacifist Spoilers, daily life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5159744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperFlandreBros/pseuds/SuperFlandreBros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(TRUE PACIFIST SPOILERS, OH MY!)</p><p>Alphys makes her daily rounds to feed the Amalgamtes in the true lab. It's very quiet in there, so she has a lot of time to think and reflect. She knows she can't escape what she did forever...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Going Down.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I love Alphys a lot and this story is very on the fly so more tags/characters will be added. I encourage critiques as well. Thank you, and happy reading. Or sad, depending on where I'm taking it. As always, please enjoy this story!

The lab was silent and the lights were off. Mettaton was away for one of his TV shows, so Alphys was the only thing alive in the lab, at least, for now. The camera consoles had been shut off; the only light source was the glow of her laptop. The rapid clattering of the keys broke the silence.

 

“Mew…Mew…Kissy…Cutie…hurt…my…feels…and, send!” Alphys mumbled to herself, making a gesture with her mouse.

 

She laughed bitterly to herself. This is how she was going to spend her life: posting overdramatic anime reviews and holing herself up in her room. She didn’t even have an audience anyway, so why bother. Everyone hated her. So did Alphys. There was so much she could be doing right now. But, she didn’t feel like moving.

 

Nevertheless, she decided to go downstairs to the True Lab. She needed to feed the Amalgamates anyway. They were always so lonely, but Alphys never stayed there very long; looking at them reminded her of every mistake she had ever made.

 

She grabbed the new bag of dog food with some regular food and went into the elevator. Her stomach felt like it was descending along with the elevator. Alphys always hated that feeling; she made a note to fix it if she cared enough. She probably wouldn’t, but you know.

 

Alphys took a deep breath, looking at the mess the lab was now in. It just made her sick. A Memoryhead sneaked up behind her, their words sounding like a dial-up tone.

 

 **“^*E)#@OEO_)@@( &@!)#*@)”** It shrieked.

 

Alphys sighed and took out her phone.

 

“Uh, could you repeat that, please?”

 

**“Bitch, are you deaf!? I’m fuckin’ starvin’ here!”**

 

If they had hands, they’d be placing them on their metaphorical hips. Well, she was right about one thing: they certainly were sassy. She liked this Memoryhead out of all of the other ones the most; they seemed to be the most okay with the whole situation out of anybody. This, in turn, made everything a bit less daunting for Alphys.

 

“I-I don’t have much, but…I got noodles?” Alphys said weakly.

 **  
“Why do you have to be so cheap, Alphys?”**  The Memoryhead was getting annoyed.

 

Alphys was slightly hurt at their assertion. She was running out of food constantly due to the new ‘guests’. To make sure they were as comfortable as possible, she’d been cutting back her food intake and saving any remaining bits for them. Well, more like forgetting to eat, but that just sounded nobler to say. She wasn’t even losing any weight. Not that it mattered anyway, right from the start it just didn’t matter. Alphys didn’t matter anymore. Only _they_ mattered.

 

They never liked the flavor packets that she got, or the fact that they were getting sick of the noodles. But they felt that if they complained, they wouldn’t get any food. It was silly to worry about; Alphys never skipped feeding them. Late feeding? Sure. But she never skipped it.  

 

“I’m turning off the phone now.” Alphys said with a hint of smugness. “Unless you tell me what to buy next time.”

**“Wait! I liked that pocky stuff you brought once. Can I have more?”** Memoryhead decided to be honest. **“Also, can you get me the chicken flavored packet instead of shrimp?”**

 

“Oh? You should’ve told me that, I’m sorry.” Alphys looked regretful. “I have one more chicken packet, you can have it.”

 

 **“Cool, thanks Al.”** The Memoryhead was placated, deciding that that’s how much they’d ask for this time. Next time, they’d ask for some variety in their diet.

 

“N-no problem. I-I have to go and feed the others, you go tell the Memoryheads that dinner is coming.” Alphys waited for a response, but they vanished.

 

She put her phone in her pocket, breathing a sigh of relief. Even if Memoryheads were they most mentally intact of all the Amalgamates, they always made her feel uneasy.

 

She went to find Endogeny. They were her personal favorite Amalgamate to play with. They were always so happy…

 

            Despite the fact that Alphys preferred cats, they were more tolerable than most dogs. She whistled for the Amalgamate. Endogeny bounded towards her immediately, wagging its…tail? They were still adorable; the extra dogs added some charm to its shape.

 

            They circled around Alphys excitedly. You could tell they needed stimulation. Alphys pet the dogs, all 5…or 6, of them. She still couldn’t tell how many dogs were stuck in there because of her. Because of her…

 

            She tried not to cry. It worked for now. She refused to look at the dog anymore. Alphys opened the bag of dog food and poured it in the bowl.

 

            “Here,” she pointed. “G-go get it.”

 

They skidded over the dog food bowl and slurped it up using the orifice on top of the ‘head’ and the dogs on the bottom licked up any remaining specks of food.

 

            She left while they were eating, moving on to the rest of the batch. ‘Two’ down, several more to go…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rude Memoryhead was based on a shamchat convo where I was Alphys and I was RPing with a Memoryhead. And it was very rude. So now that's my headcanon of Memoryheads. Anyway I hope you like this story so far, leaving kudos helps me go. Love you guys!


	2. In her head...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't run away forever, Alphys...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this fic blew up, thanks for all the kudos! Seeing this encouragement fills me with DETERMINATION to finish this fic. Also, I just want to say I love you peeps. This chapter is sorta short, but I like what I have here, so enjoy.

_Well, it’s time to feed the Reaper Bird._ Alphys decided. They were very hard to understand, but at least they liked the shrimp packets. She went into the hallway and past the broken mirror.

 

_Kokoro POWER! Aishite yo~! SAVE ME! Tasukete! Mew Mew Kissy Cutie!_

Alphys jumped, then she realized that it was just her phone.

 

 _Great, just wonderful._ She thought to herself. _It’s probably going to be another concerned parent worried about their child; or maybe Asgore relaying that concerned parent’s message. Either way, this is all just peachy._

She waited for the song, counting the notes as they went by. Never had she hated the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie opening song as much as she did now. She bided her time, growing more anxious with each second, trembling in place. The song ends and begins again. It cut off at _‘Aishite yo’._

Alphys decided to log this.

 

**_ENTRY NUMBER 19: the families keep calling me to ask when everyone is coming home. what am i supposed to say? i don't even answer the phone anymore._ **

****

She decided that was good enough. Science really does suck, having to log everything regardless of how well the experiment goes.

 

Despite all this, Alphys didn’t cry once today. Maybe she was stronger than she gave herself credit for? Nah, that’s impossible; she cried when the Aincrad arc of Sword Art Online ended. So that couldn’t be it.

 

Alphys took a deep breath and went further into the mirrored halls. Buttercups decorated one side of the room, mirrors on the other. The flowers intense hue harshly contrasted with the darkness of the room. 

 

Well, she didn’t really specialize in interior decorating anyway. It didn’t matter; all she had to do was feed the Bird. Easier said than done, but whatever.

 

Alphys knocked on each mirror individually. They liked to nap in there for some reason. It was always a hassle to get them out of there, but they shrieked and annoyed the other Amalgamates if they didn’t have a nap, so she let them be.

 

“Hello?” Alphys whispered. It was a moot point to whisper, but any louder would create an echo that always disturbed her.

 

Alphys knocked on one last mirror. Her reflection changed into an amorphous leaning bird. At least, it looked like a bird.

 

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.” She tried to smile, but it ended up coming off as fake. Probably because it was, but she wasn’t a very good liar. “Hi there, birb.”

 

The nickname did not please the Reaper Bird. It crawled out of the mirror in what seemed to be in an overdramatic fashion.

 

“Pick on me, I dare you,”

“Ribbit Ribbit, shut up,”

“Oh no no no, please don’t upset them…” All of their words garbled together. Somehow Alphys understood every one of them, though.

 

“You suck, I agree, and I’m not mad.” She shot off all at once, feeling somewhat proud of herself.

 

“Just give us the good stuff.” They all said in unison.

 

“I got your stuff right here.” She handed them a cup of instant noodles, with a shrimp flavor packet.

 

“Thanks for nothing, buddy.”

“Thanks for the food.”

“Th-thanks…”

 

“No problem.” Alphys decided that that would be only worth one response.

 

Now to move on to Lemon Bread…this was one of the Amalgamates she felt most guilty about making. Imagine being a shy ghost fused to a complete creep. That had to be a special kind of awful.

 

A special hell…

 

Alphys trembled. She hated being alone, because when she was…

 

_Wow, Al, you’re such a good liar. Seriously, since when has that even been seen as ‘good’? Literally never._

Her thoughts started to creep into her subconscious.

 

_You really should hang out at the dump; you clearly belong there, anyway._

Her pace quickens, trying to escape the thoughts.

 

_I should congratulate you; I mean, not only are you the greatest, most garbage liar ever, you’re taking these innocent people with you. How long are you going to keep doing this? I could go for all day, but your subjects’ families’ can’t. How long until you cave in? How long until you run away?_

“P-please stop…” Alphys said meekly.

 

_Oh, we have some backbone, do we? Well that’s not going to save you now, you piece of trash._

She stopped.

 

_Good girl, now go back upstairs and do the right thing._

 

“This isn't why I’m doing this. Do you know what they’d even say if I told them? I have to keep lying, for their sake. You just don’t understand.”

 

_This isn’t late paperwork, Alphys! These are people’s lives! I’m pretty sure your feeble brain could understand the difference; I guess my hopes were too high for someone like you._

“Can we talk about this later, please?”

 

_Check 'running away’ off the list…_

“I’m not running away, you’re just being a bother.”

 

_Reality sucks, get over it._

“ _You_ suck, get over it.”

 

And just like that, the voice that was Alphys’ thoughts disappeared, making her feel lonely once again.

                                                               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, kids: It's not fanfiction without at least one anime reference/shoutout/diss. Anyway yeah this was a bit of a slog but the next chapter gets intense! Stay tuned...


	3. A Hug from a Mother...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphys has a breakdown and So Cold comforts her like the best mom that they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was a sad chapter to write. This is yet another headcanon that Alphys' parents were horrible people and that she was abandoned as a child. This took a lot longer than I initially hoped, but I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Also, angst is had. Be warned...

Alphys pushed through her tortured conscious long enough to realize that she had been going the wrong way.

                                                                            

"Lemon Bread is that way.” She said to herself.

 

Alphys knew that they would not be happy to see her, but she swallowed her fear and kept going.

 

“Hello?” Alphys called out into the blanket of silence.

 

“You…did this…” What felt like several voices had responded.

 

“There she is,” Alphys muttered.

 

“There are several things you have done to me, so I don’t remember which one was the worst.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Alphys said. “I know what I did, alright?”

 

“Of course you know what you did.” Lemon Bread tilted their head. “Tell me, is it better to live in deafening silence, or to live an inseparable existence? You monster.”

 

“…” Alphys couldn’t look them in the eye any longer. As the Amalgamate towered over her, Alphys gripped her fists and took a deep breath as she forced herself to look at Lemon Bread once again.  “We’re all monsters down here. Dinner’s r-ready by the way.”

 

“Oh?” They were a form of few words, but Alphys sensed the scorn in their voices.

 

“There are several things to eat, I have something special for you.” Alphys trembled in place as she was reaching in her bag for the food. “H-here…”

 

“There was a strange atmosphere a while ago...and it all started with you. Why must you hide us? Do you think I’m pretty?” All of their thoughts were seemingly broadcasted out in the open with seemingly no filter.

 

“…” Alphys couldn’t answer. Her stomach twisted in knots, her breathing went heavy.

 

The two stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Alphys finally broke the silence.

“I-if you’re not hungry, then I’ll take my leave…” Alphys declared, not once breaking eye contact with Lemon Bread.

 

“I will see you again…” Lemon Bread disappeared without a trace.

 

As if on cue, Alphys released a breath she didn’t know that she was holding.

 

She decided to come back later. Alphys felt a bit bad for being so aggressive, but it couldn’t be helped. There was a feeling of dread regardless. Alphys started to seemingly go mad each passing second.

 

“Can you hear me?”  Alphys screamed out loud. “Come on out if you're so brave!”

 

She yelled out in frustration into the darkness, her cries bouncing off the walls.

 

At this point, there were several other Amalgamates surrounding her, staring in confusion.

 

This was painful. God, it was painful.

 

“I-it’s fine, everyone.” She smiled weakly, falsely reassuring the crowd. “I’m okay. Just…”

 

“Al…phys…” A garbled, yet motherly voice said. “Y…ou…are not o…kay…”

 

“What…?” Alphys raised her head, looking at an Amalgamate that stepped out of the crowd. It seemed to be…concerned?

 

And that was the worst part of it all, not only did she do this to them, but they’re not even mad. Why? Alphys wracked her brain, but the question just looped over and over, providing no answers. Another question popped up.

 

_Where’s their sense of justice?_

 

“You…ne…ed…a…rest…” This Amalgamate was the kindest of them all; like a mother. A mother Alphys never had. She didn’t deserve this, none of them did. It was an accident; a stupid mistake; a scientific failure.

 

“T-that’s not going to happen, Mrs. Drake. I need to feed everyone.” Alphys said clinically, building yet another emotional wall between them and her.

 

_It’s your fault. All of this is your fault._

 

“That’s…not…wh…at…I…meant…” They continued. “Al…phys…it’s…so…cold…in…here…be a…dea…r…and…turn…up…the…heat?”

 

“Sure, Mrs. Drake.” Even Alphys knew that Mrs. Drake was no more, the other Amalgamates referred to them as So Cold, due to them always asking to turn up the heat. But they liked it when they were called Mrs. Drake. At least, one of them did. The rest of the amalgamation was neutral towards the name, knowing how much it meant to the old woman.

 

_You’re so disgusting, Alphys. Why did you do this? You should’ve just put your foot down when you had the chance. Told the king no._

Tears stung her eyes. Alphys couldn’t take it anymore.

 

She sunk to her knees, head looking down: this time not in fear, but in shame.

 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Over and over, Alphys cried out. “It’s all my fault!”

 

“Doc…tor…” So Cold said sadly. “Why…do…you…treat…yourself…like…this?”

 

Alphys just kept sobbing incoherently.

 

An appendage reached out to stroke Alphys’ head. Alphys looked up.

 

“It’s…o…kay.” So Cold mustered up what seemed to be a smile.

 

Alphys simply heaved into the outstretched appendage, soaking it with tears.

 

“I…know…”

 

Time had no concept as the two stayed in that position.

 

Alphys managed to pry herself off of So Cold. Her eyes were scratchy and her voice hoarse.

 

“Thank you…” She finally uttered. “I’m so sorry…”

 

“I…for…give…you…” So Cold had no reservations in saying that.

 

Alphys hugged the Amalgamate tightly, time seemingly slowed to a halt. They stayed like this for an eternity...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was sad. I figure that none of the amalgamates actually hate Alphys for what she did, but still do feel some sort of turmoil over the whole situation. Again, thanks for the kudos and comments/feedback is HIGHLY appreciated! Thank you for reading, and hopefully I will update sooner!


	4. Separation.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphys says goodnight to everyone while having a few more conversations with her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could this be goodbye!?
> 
> -Undertale, 2015

Separation from warmth is unlike any other feeling. Cold blasts you in the face when you try to leave, but you eventually get used to it. You have to, or you die. Adapting is survival. Survival is the key to living on.

 

“I…have to go now.” Alphys looked away from the drooping form.

 

“Good…bye…Al…phys…” So Cold’s expression shifted into sadness. “Ha…ve…a…good…life…up…there…”

 

Alphys sighed.

 

She couldn’t grace those words with a response. Perhaps she could watch the human or check if Mettaton was back yet.

 

 _Oh my_ GOD! _Quit running away! For the love of God I am trying to help you, you fucking idiot!_

 

Alphys did her best to ignore the thoughts and to not respond to them; at least, while there were others around.

 

She smiled toward the Amalgamate and went back to the elevator. Alphys was all cried out and had a pounding headache.

 

_Forgiveness sure is tricky, isn't it? They’re trying so hard not to hate you; it’s really an amazing feat. Why don’t you put more effort and make yourself even worth forgiving? Y’know, because you aren’t._

“Okay…” Alphys was too tired to defend herself. It didn’t matter what was really going on, her head would always contradict and misconstrue the situation, and she would contradict her head. It’s a losing argument, trying to reason with emotion. For a scientist, she sure wasn’t very logical.

 

As she traversed the hallway for hopefully the last time today, she had a lot to reflect on before she had to throw it all away; pretending everything was fine.

 

There were several regrets and what ifs that attacked Alphys from every angle.

_What if Undyne doesn’t really like me? What if she’s just feeling pity for me and secretly thinks that I’m a bother? What if my existence is just a joke?_

But the most pressing what if of all: _What if everyone found out the truth?_

 

Alphys stopped in front of the mirrors; Reaper Bird was asleep once again. They looked very comfortable. She sighed, knowing she’d have to face the truth. But…she didn’t want to. She couldn’t. Not right now, at least.

 

“Goodnight,” Alphys whispered, kissing her finger and placing it on Reaper Bird’s hypothetical cheek.

 

She made her rounds back to the dog bowl. It was empty. It was slightly disappointing to not see Endogeny again, but she pressed on.

 

 **“$%^F39^% &^#E03%~!”** A sharp screech broke any train of thought that Alphys might’ve had.

 

She dug in her pockets for her cellphone again.

“It’s you again?” Alphys’ face held a puzzled expression.

 

 **“Yup. You’re so mean, Alphys! Not even a goodbye before you leave?”** The Amalgamate appeared to be laughing. **“Listen, about earlier…sorry.”**

 

“Uh…it’s fine.” Alphys smiled weakly. _Are they trying to find an excuse to see me again? No, that’s impossible._ Alphys brushed off the thought.

 

**“Okay, that’s all I wanted to say. See ya tomorrow.”**

 

“B-bye.”

 

And just like that, they were gone again. The Amalgamates themselves were ironically a source of comfort for her. The stress seemed to stem from Alphys’ own head rather than any situational failure.

 

As Alphys descended up into the elevator, she had one last conversation with herself.

_Tell the truth already. It’s not that hard._

“I plan to, don’t worry.” Alphys had a newfound resolve in her heart.

 

She was filled with DETERMINATION.

 

At least, that’s what she’d like to think. But it refused to develop into anything more significant than a fleeting thought. She was surprised that she didn’t melt into anything.

 

The elevator opened into her lab once again. Mettaton was still gone, of course. She knew this would happen, even with the delaying of her building his new body. His EX form, admittedly, was partially comprised of her own sick fantasies on what a perfect body would look like.

 

_How selfish._

But regardless, he didn’t seem to mind, or care. He loved the prototype. She was glad that this project was working out smoothly. She still had several bugs to fix, but this project and Mettaton’s constant praise helped her self-esteem a lot.

 

Alphys trudged herself to bed and went on her laptop for a bit, someone liked her status. Maybe being an anime critic wouldn’t be as hard as she thought.

 

With that thought, she drifted off to sleep. The cycle continues...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was fun to write! (I've always been bad at ending my fics so I'm kinda glad this is so short rip me. ;_;)  
> I wanted Alphys to feel a bit happy, okay? Anyway, that was a fun story to write! See you again with more crying Alphys. And possibly a Sans fic. Because God knows there aren't enough Sans fics already. /s But seriously though I love Sans, Gaster and Alphys so much you don't understand!  
> This is the end! It was a wild ride from start to finish, and I'm so happy for all of the comments, kudos, and bookmarks! I honestly didn't expect that at all! x.x  
> I've blabbed on long enough. Thank you for reading this story!


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